so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
