lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
it was like eating out sand paper
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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