none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
