i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
