but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
