BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
