You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
