Quick, to the slutcave!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
