that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
