Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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