I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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