sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
