Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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