I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
