Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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