I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
whose parrot is this?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
