I think im going to throw up on grandma
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
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