Are we in a gay sports bar?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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