you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
