your room smells of hookers.
And success
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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