It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
ugly people sure do ruin things
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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