....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
