Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
