Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
