I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
