Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just want nice things and good sex
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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