I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
