I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
