dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
