Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
