Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
