and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
