whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
