If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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