This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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