Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
