I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
