Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I am midnight drunk by noon
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Randomize
