But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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