BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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