You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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