Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
