You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
