Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
