Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
