the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
