tell your sister to shave her snatch
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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