He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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