Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
