what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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